13. It feels somehow improper to eat Easter-branded candy corn, but the wrongness of candy corn is innate and fundamental.

12. “Simnel cake is a light fruit cake with two layers of almond paste or marzipan, one in the middle and one on top, that is toasted and eaten during the Easter period in the United Kingdom, Republic of Ireland and some other countries.” It’s that time of year again, thought the thin-lipped British pervert. I get to eat double the marzipan!

11. The existence of chocolate-covered marshmallow eggs must be delayed compensation on the part of that kid who always wanted to make s’mores at camp.

Last week, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio got in some trouble when the world caught him eating pizza with a knife and fork. This is, of course, insane, despite the protestations of some people. But if the mayor of New York City was unaware of something so obvious, it stands to reason there might be more confusion over other dishes. To help, here’s a comprehensive guide to how to eat food. Hope you brought your appetite!

The first time I walked into St. John in London it was 2005 and just a touch before noon. City Gentlemen were enjoying elevenses, which is a fine way to say washing down Lancashire cheese on Eccles cakes with a little glass of Claret, Fernet, or Champagne. For many it didn’t appear to be the first drink of the day. I liked that.

It takes time to find your favourite Chinese food place, and the friends to attend it with. But once you’ve found it, nothing—not even a murder—can ever keep you away.

||Still Life with Turkey Pie, Pieter Claesz (1627)

Four of Hazlitt’s favourite cookbook authors talk shop. Peter Meehan, Jennifer McLagan, Naomi Duguid, and Meredith Erickson on annoying food trends, what makes a great cookbook, and how they really feel about following recipes.

Recent books by Michael Moss and Mary Roach look, respectively, at the grossest parts of our alimentary processes: The terrible foods we put in our mouths, and what our wonderful, revolting bodies do with them after.

Midway through Catland Empire, the most recent book by Toronto cartoonist Keith Jones, two elemental beings called Mr. Space and Mr. Time create dozens of wieners from the aether for some talking felines: “You will receive further instructions in the form of telepathic communication in a couple minutes. In the meantime, enjoy the hot dogs.” Jones has found himself drawing street meat again lately—all over the walls of the Hot ‘n Dog, a tiny Parkdale takeaway he just bought.

| | Michael Takasaki

We have become obsessed by food: where it comes from, where to buy it, how to cook it and—most absurdly of all—how to eat it. When did the basic human imperative to feed ourselves mutate into such a multitude of anxieties about provenance, ethics, health, lifestyle and class status?

If you read it closely enough, you might’ve noticed a conspicuous gap in Anthony Bourdain’s bestselling memoir, Kitchen Confidential.

At the age of 10, Bourdain describes having his first, epiphanic oyster: “I’d learned something. Viscerally, instinctively, spiritually—even in some small, precursive way,...

| | David Lanthan Reamer

In the dead-tree forest of bad cookbooks, Lauren Fortgang of Portland restaurant Le Pigeon picks the dessert books she goes to for inspiration.